Believe it or not my "to do list" is pretty short right now. A week or two ago I had to make a list of everything I could think of that needed to get done so I would stop waking up in the morning in a near panic afraid that I would forget to do something. This list has included adoption related issues, but it has also had things like, filling out my graduating sons financial aid form, purchasing his cap and gown, enrolling my kids in 4-H, leaving a schedule for my parents so they can continue life here at home for our kids, etc. Don't get me wrong. I know that there are those last minute things that are going to come that is going to have me running around like crazy, but it feels good to know that we are making good progress.
We learned some very sad news last week. Our daughter is in an orphanage, but it is broken down into apartment like settings. There are 5 children living in an apartment with a husband and wife living there as foster parents. They have been Renee's foster parents since she was abandoned. We can tell in the videos that we have received that she is very attached to her foster mom. As I have read attachment books and discussions about signs of good attachment, I have seen little glimces of it in these small clips of her life. We received an update that read: Her Group Home parents recently quit their job because they have to go home and take care of their older sick mom. They left on February 15 this year. Ling Wan Ya is very attached to the Group Home parents. She was upset for their leaving. She is adjusting to the new Group Home parents, but she still grieves and misses them. This is a big change in her life and I think her adoptive family should know about this and get some preparation for this since they are coming soon. My heart just sunk when I read these words. She wasn't to start grieving until I was there with her. How confusing is it going to be as she is again left in the arms of a stranger a month after foster parents left her? As much as I have long for the day we finally meet our daughter, there area realities that I need to face and that is that it is going to be hard. We have had the adoption training. We have looked at the losses Renee will experience. We have looked at the losses that we as a family will experience. I read a blog this morning that really put things into perspective. My 18 year old son just walked by and said "what are we doing?" He just walked into her room to empty the trash and had not been in there for awhile and alot had changed. He was being silly and wanted to get a rise out of me. My sons like joking around about all the pink in our house now. But he is right. We all have no idea what we are getting ourselves into. I do not want to get so caught up in emotions that I don't face the reality that life is about to change. I am glad my list is short. I need to slow down and enjoy my family of 6 for 7 more days. I am planning on taking each one out for a one on one time before we leave. I want them to know that I love them so much. I will need to give extra attention to Renee when we bring her home, but that will never change my love for my sons. I have enjoyed being a mom of all boys. She will be adding to our family in new ways. I truly believe even the really hard days ahead will bring about good in our family. It is going to change us and grow us in ways that would never had happened if we never adopted. She is our daughter/sister! She is apart of us and we can't wait to find what our new normal will be. We are so ready to love on this precious girl and go through the grief and the joy with her. I can never truly be 100% prepared, but I am trying to balance my excitement and joy with a dose of reality. This will be hard. This will not be a joyous reunion for her. I need to give myself grace on the days that are overwhelming and remember that this is a season. We will get through it and the hard days will be so worth it. "We love you Renee and we can't wait to experience life with you and be a family. We won't be complete until you are here!"
I am so sorry to hear about the big change Renee recently had to go through. I know it will make it more difficult for her when she meets you. The same thing happened to our daughter Natalie at that orphanage. She was switched from her original foster parents after being with them for 17 months. Then she had 3 months with a new set before we came along. When she met us she was in shutdown mode most of the time. I could tell that she thought we were just another set of foster parents and didn't want to bother getting to know us. She would let us care for her basic needs, but would not show any emotion for the six days. She was like a cooperative little doll that I could dress and undress, take to the potty, feed and bathe...it was very sad. I thought she didn't have a smile in her. Seriously, I thought she would NEVER Ever smile, but then on the 7th day a little smile slipped out and then a little giggle. Every day after that she showed us more and more of her true self and we discovered that she is a mischievous, clever and hilarious little sweetheart. Here is a link to the story of the day we became a family in case you haven't seen it yet: http://welcometothehappyhaus.blogspot.com/2011/12/one-month-ago-today.html
ReplyDeleteOne more thing... I highly recommend that you take a little portable child's toilet seat that sits on top of an adult seat. I took that to China and Natalie used it the first night! While we were in China Natalie would hold her urine forever to avoid peeing in her pullup. We started carrying her portable potty seat with us in a backpack everywhere we went. I highly recommend taking one along with a some daytime and nighttime pullups. The plastic seats are about $11 at Target and are super lightweight.
ReplyDeleteI swear this is my last comment... for this post anyway, LOL. I've never commented so much in my life. I just keep thinking of things I want to say.
ReplyDeleteI am super excited for you all and know that Renee will be so loved. Although she will likely have a hard time at first I'm sure she will soon be thriving in her new family. The orphanage director is a wonderful lady...very loving. How cool that you are taking the same doll for Renee that we took for Natalie. It is still Natalie all time favorite doll/toy. She sleeps with her dolly every night.
Sending much love and lots of good wishes your way! Let me know if I can help with any last minute questions since we were just in Nanchang a few months ago.