I can see the sun shining over the mountain!

On Aug. 30th our phone rang! Our agency said in a very happy voice, "I have a referral for you!" I wanted to cry. It was 2pm and I had expected the call at 12pm. I was a mess. The shared list had come out the night before. I felt strongly we would be matched since we were at the top of the list, but I was scared the girl would have too many needs and we would have to say no again. But by this time(2 hours of waiting), even though it was still early, I was starting to give up hope of even getting a call.
She was not from the shared list. She was designated to our agency. Since the list was coming out soon they waited to call to just take a look at the list first. For those waiting, I don't think that list had very many minor special needs. We were at the top of the list and they found nothing for us. Well, I guess I should say that they didn't find anything that fit better than this girl. But we are not open to cleft lip/palate and our medical issues are very minor. They never tell us much about the lists so I don't have any facts.
Here she is!! Renee Wanya Marie Welling! Her Chinese name is WanYa. Birthday: Feb. 15, 2010. She is 18 months old!

Her Chinese name is very significant to us. Two months after our Nepal adoption failed, my husbands mother died of cancer. We have always planned that our daughters middle name would be my mother-in-laws middle name. What is significant is that my mother-in-laws name was Wanda Marie. Do you see it? My husband saw it right away. Our daughter will not only carry my mother-in-laws middle name, but Renee's Chinese name is amazingly simular to her first name as well! Wan means tender and Ya means graceful.
Now the question is, will be the lucky ones or will we join the century club? What do I mean by this? The next thing we will be waiting for is the China government issuing us our Letter of Approval (LOA). Some people are receiving this in 30-60 days, but there are some families that have waited over 100 days!!! The century club is not a club I want any part of. I show people her picure and the first thing people will say is, "when will you go get her?" I usually laugh first and then try to explain how I really have no idea. I hope by Feb. or Mar., but there is no way of knowing until we receive our LOA.
I want to be very honest right now and say that it was a very hard week last week. I did not instantly know that she was our daughter. There is no medical need. Her special need is slow motor development. There are two questions I have. Don't all children who have lived in an institution
have delayed development? Also, why did they label her this? There is no aanswer to this second question on the medical report. With a medical issue, you know what it is and can make a plan on how to treat it. Most would think that her special need is really no issue at all. Why even second guess yourself? The questions start swirling in your head. Are there other development issues? What did they see that made them write this down? Everyone who is adopting knows that there are unknowns when it comes to reading a medical report of a child. Honestly, I thought after spending so much time waiting for this day that it would be an emotional joyful day. Instead, it was a week of the reality of what we were doing. We had to face the unknowns and all the real life scenarios that we might face with this child. We had to go back to what we had decided from the very beginning about what we would look for when we were matched. We knew we were looking for a minor correctable physical issue. We also knew that there will be unknowns, so we had to be comfortable with what was on her report and then just trust God with what we didn't know. There was less info than we wanted on her report, but there was nothing on it that we could say no to. So Friday we sent our LOI!! So many people share on their blog that they knew the minute they saw the childs picture that this was the one. I truly believe that now, but for me it was a process. The reality is, I am still scared. So many people say that the wait is harder after you receive the referral. I am only a few days into this next phase, but I can tell you that for me it is just different. It is wonderful to finally be on my way to the otherside of this mountain, but it is different than I thought it would be. Now I have new fears I have to face. Each morning I wake up with these fears and it takes part of the day to work through them. Each day the knots in the stomach go away alittle earlier than the last. By the end of the day, I just see the face of a little girl that needs me and as many in the Chinese adoption world say, "I am over the moon!"
(I wrote the above post a few days ago. I just got updated photos and updated info! There is no doubt in our minds that this is our daughter! I shared my honest real emotions because I had never read anyone sharing this prospective and hoped that others who started out feeling this way would be encouraged that these are normal real emotions. I wonder why we doubted now! She is our daughter!)